Summer Family Fun

Summer is here (FINALLY) and the fun has begun! Last week we spent four nights at Priest Lake with some friends from church and had an incredibly AWESOME time! When we left on Monday it was pouring rain but when we arrived at the Indian Creek campground it was just cloudy. We have had to set up camp in the rain before and it isn't fun so we were thankful for a break in the weather. Our two boys and their two friends slept in a tent and on Wednesday night there was a thunder storm that literally cracked right overhead! And the boys still slept in the tent! Other than that, the weather was great! The kids were in the lake on two different days and I was so happy to sit in the sun and put my feet in the water! We played lots of games and my new favorite game is Farkle...so if you come visit, you can expect to be playing with us! We also had campfires every night....with smores of course (but not every night!). What a relaxing, fun, awesome time!

We got home in time for some laundry, actually a LOT of laundry, and then the kids left today for Youth camp through our church. Now that Kate is entering 7th grade, it is her first year going with her brothers and she is excited! They will be gone til Friday! Wow! No kids in the house...what will we do? Well, today I had IV chemo so my plan is to rest...but we'll see. July is a busy month for us. On the 4th we host a big party since we can shoot fireworks at our house. We have a great view too and can enjoy the fireworks from Medical Lake as well as neighboring cities. It's always fun to BBQ with family and friends! Then my brother and his family arrive on the 6th. We haven't seen our niece since she was born so we are so excited to spend time with her (and her mom and dad too of course!). That Friday my Aunt arrives from Arizona and will spend 10 days with us. She hasn't been here for 6 years and we are looking to her visit. My brother will overlap a day or two so my Aunt will be able to see them too. Then my sister and her family arrive a few days before my Aunt leaves and they will be here for a week. Phew! In between that, the boys are going away for a weekend to serve at a Jr church camp doing music AND they are also helping with music during a week long day camp. Can you say busy busy busy? We are so excited to have such precious time with family! We are thankful our home has enough room to host everyone. We will set up our above ground pool so the kids will have outdoor activities. And if I need to take a nap, I'll disappear for a little while into my room :-)

Today I had a doctor's appointment and IV chemo. My skin is looking much better so that is a praise! My cough, however, is not going away and that is a concern...it has waxed and waned and we don't know why. The doctor offered me home oxygen for night time use but I'm not ready for that yet. So I continue to take pain medicine during the day to control the cough when it gets bad. And my voice remains hoarse from the time I get up til the time I go to bed--ugh! I love it when the kids say I am "yelling"...how can you yell when you sound like Minnie Mouse? Anyway, the doctor scheduled me for a CT scan of the abdomen/chest on July 12th and we are PRAYING things are stable or better. If that's the case, we can stay on this regimen of chemo--which we LOVE as we only go to the doctor once every three weeks instead of weekly. We did find out that if we have to change chemo to the medicine that is coming out of study, we may have to travel to Couer 'd Alene, Idaho for it which is about 45 minutes to an hour away. We DON'T want to have to do this. In the meantime, she is increasing the dose of my pill chemo since I am tolerating it so well. So thanks for your continued prayers my friends! We did find out though that we have to cancel our Yellowstone trip. The 6000 foot elevation will not be good with my cough and breathing. So yet again the burden of this cancer has hit our family. JR is now trying to find a camping spot closer to home that might be open. JR asked the doctor today about a disabled parking permit--ugh....wasn't too happy about that one BUT it might give us more options camping wise because there are disabled spots at every campground. So, we'll see what happens.

As we continue to live one day at a time we continue to see God's hand in our lives every day. As mentioned earlier, our camping trip was awesome, weather was great, all the kids got a long well, we had safety in our journey...many blessings. We've also seen God at work in Jr's life. My dear, sweet, husband, has been in stress overload--just feeling like his plate is full and at any moment it will tip over. Prior to our camping trip we found out our slide on our trailer wasn't working. And to make a long story short, Jr worked and worked and replaced the motor, then found there were electrical issues and the more he got into it, the more he realized was wrong. It was overwhelming, and despite a friend working on it for 3 hours, we still have to take it into the shop. The next day, JR went to work and wasn't happy to find out he had to float to another floor. But, as he soon found out, God was at work. There is someone at work whose wife recently battled cancer and JR was able to talk to this co-worker. It was a relief for him to talk to someone who UNDERSTANDS and who felt just like he does and he shared what he did to help get through the difficult times. JR said he felt like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders just to talk to someone who understood. That was the biggest blessing of all! So we continue to take one day at a time and thank God for His many blessings!

Things are a-changin' in our family....

Burdens.....we all have them in one form or another. In years past my main burden was one of balance--family, homeschooling, work, housework, etc... How to get everything done in so little time? I think every working mom (whether at home or outside the home) feels that at one time or another--or maybe ALL the time, who knows? Burdens come in all shapes and sizes--maybe a job loss, financial issues, family drama, etc... It wasn't until recently that I realized that cancer is a burden. Burden is defined as "a source of great worry or stress: weight. Something that is carried. " Cancer fits that definition, it is not only a burden on me, but on all those closest to me: my hubby, my three dear children, my brother and his family, my sister and her family, my extended family-aunts/uncles/cousins, and friends. Until a few weeks ago I think I had a faulty perspective on this. I thought I was the burden....not the cancer. I found myself apologizing at different times to different people, especially those close to me that are having such a hard time dealing with this. But this is a burden I'm carrying too. And its not an easy burden by any means but it affects me just as it does others but in a different way. How freeing to realize its not "me"....and I've stopped apologizing for this burden that we are all dealing with.

So although I've stopped apologizing, I've been struggling with something else....and that is giving my family and their future over to the Lord. During the "grieving" process at initial diagnosis, all the thoughts of future things run through your mind--graduations, college, careers, weddings, grandchildren, etc... Slowly the Lord has shown me that my family is in His hands and that they will be taken care of. So slowly I've been able to come to grips with the fact that I may not be here to see those milestones and I've changed the sadness from that into joy by writing for my kids. Whether its this blog, or individual journals for the kids, or a story of my life/upbringing--advice will still be given (and probably not heeded :-) but my voice will still be with them. The one thing regarding their future that I could not give up not matter how much I prayed was their schooling. My dear husband, convinced he could be superman and "do it all"--homeschool, full time work, being a single parent (not to mention he takes blood pressure medicine and has a family history of heart disease)....just tore my heart and weighed heavily on my mind. JR has been committed to homeschooling since our children were very young. We have never been opposed to public, private or whatever each family is convicted by God to do. We had our boys in school briefly in second grade and didn't have a good experience so we continued to homeschool and thankfully the Lord has blessed us with our children excelling. Well, despite my stage IV diagnosis, JR was convinced he could continue to keep the kids at home. I have found myself more tired, and with the life time need for chemo, I know my energy level is lagging and that I haven't been able to be there for the kids and their schooling as I normally am. Jr's answer was for him to help them more but he is so tired and worn out too. And as many of you know, kids are kids despite parents being tired or not feeling well and tempers can flare and difficulties arise. Can one parent really "do it all?" And what's best for the kids?

So JR and I had many, many, many conversations til 3 a.m. and he has always been adamant that he can do it.....til the last few weeks. I'm not sure if it was his good friend from Virginia who, when visiting, was kind of like "hey, this is a no brainer--you have prepared your kids, they will do fine in public school" or the fact that if I wasn't here, he wouldn't have a lot of outside homeschooling support BUT he finally decided to talk to the kids about it. So one morning he was talking with the boys and lo and behold we found out some things we didn't know. Lil RC admitted to having some very difficult months because of my coughing. Here I thought I was doing great, getting myself downstairs to do school with them, hacking my brains out all the while...but doing school nonetheless...and lil RC admitted it really stressed him out--the cancer became real and he just wanted to get out of the house! YIKES! When we discussed public school, they mentioned going to Reardan...not our local Medical Lake High school. This was an option we hadn't thought of--and it was a GREAT option. It is a small local school about 20 minutes away. One of the elder's from our church teaches there and his boys are bandmates with our boys so there is a wonderful support system already there for our boys. Their family is very dear to us and we are all going camping together in a few weeks too :-) We really saw all of this as Divine intervention.

So as a family we started to pray and asked many others to pray too. Jr took the lead and called the counselor at Reardan and experienced nothing but kindness. Long story short, the boys were able to shadow one of their friends one day, see how the school day ran, meet teachers and kids and they had a wonderful day. Once the coaches saw the size of our boys, well, lets just say there was excitement! Today the boys tested. This was the daunting part, for the boys and for Dad and Mom too. The state of Washington requires homeschoolers to administer standardized testing yearly, which we do, but this test was a bit different--it measured grade level, IQ, and any learning disabilities. And they did EXTREMELY well! I knew it went well when the tester told me what a great job I had done schooling them! The boys were so thrilled--they will enter Reardan as sophomores in the Fall!

Also, because its a small school, kids that want to play sports can be on a team. And Ben wants to play football. We found out today that he will have to play junior varsity for a year as a sort of penalty for not going to our local school. That isn't a big deal to us though because he needs to learn the game (and may need to eat some humble pie as well but don't tell him I said that :-) He got his uniform today and it took him quite awhile to get everything on with all the pads and laces but he did it! We had a difficult time finding size 15 cleats (he is 14 and 6ft 3 1/2) and the school secretary was so kind to find them and they were only $30!! Nike's 60% off--wow! We have really seen God's hand and things fall into place. Isn't it amazing when that happens?

So now we just need to continue to pray for my dear hubby. Things are a-changin' in our home and it is very hard for him. We have been spoiled going camping mid-week, skiing mid-week and with the boys in school all that will change. Jr knew that as the boys got older things would change but he was thinking it would be a few more years, not NOW! So please continue to pray, especially for my hubby as our family experiences changes.

And just a quick update on chemo before I close. I had my second dose of IV chemo on Tuesday and since I took it alone (the pill chemo is 7 days on, 7 days off and I am off this week) I am feeling pretty good--just some fatigue. The doctor visit went well, she thinks my cough is better and my skin looks better--small improvements but improvements nonetheless! We will continue this regimen til July and do another scan. Please pray that this regimen works--its so nice to go just once every three weeks to the office instead of weekly!