When Carole and I started this journey of living with cancer some 18 months ago, we decided to start along with it a blessing journal to remind us of God’s presence in our time of need. Only after a few months we had already filled one and one half journals of God’s blessings. We slowed down and wasn’t very good on keeping up of the journal but we kept saying, “We need to write this down.” Story after story could be told of God’s goodness during this time. So God Blessed us from the very beginning of this journey to the very end.

As you recall we had a very busy month in July. Finally the last of Carole’s side of the family had left. I had a desire to go camping one more time before the boys had to go to public school. Our lives were changing. I kept on checking of camp sites and there were none to be found. Finally one opened up at Priest Lake, our most favorite spot. Carole gave the go ahead to book but at first was hesitant to go. After a few days, she told me that she is glad to be going. She said, I can be sick and home or at Priest Lake. During this time Carole’s cough was getting worse and she was getting weaker and weaker. She finally broke down and got a doctor’s order for O2.

Aug.

So the beginning of August started off with a camping trip to Priest Lake. Not only did I have to load the trailer with the usual stuff but this time I had to take 6 large bottles of O2 to help her breath better at night. While driving up there Carole texted a friend from work who has a cabin on the lake, next to the park. She found out the our friend was up there all week and said to stop by any time, in which we did. What timing, what a blessing. While we were up there I wanted to do something special with the kids. I wanted to rent a ski boat. I ended up calling one place that was closes to the park and all they had was a small 15 horse power fishing boat. Yeah…That’s going to work.. Not! So much for tubing and skiing. The next morning while I was walking Lady, our lab, and praying. I decided to stop by the rangers station and look for more brochures for boat rentals. There was a brochure from a place in Coolin. I called and the lady said I have a boat that was returned a day early. It’s yours if you want it. I said yes and I went back to the trailer and surprised my kids with the news. We had an awesome day at the lake with the boat. Even Carole got in for a little bit. I decided tubing is a great and legal way to get back at your kids. I loved making them fly off the tube. After I returned the boat, I was talking to the owners and the guy said that he is completely booked up for the next few weeks. Once again, God’s blessings.

We had a wonderful time up at Priest Lake and wished that we could have stayed there longer. While back at home, Carole’s cough is still getting worse. Finally, I had enough and after I got off of work on a Friday night, I decided that we needed to go to ER. But this wasn’t easy because Carole was being stubborn and wanted to wait till Monday to see Dr. Nickles. So what’s the solution, you call Jaylynne at work. She is a friend who worked with Carole in the CCU unit and Sacred Heart. Jaylynne threatened Carole that she will personally come there to our house and drag her out of bed if she didn’t come in. Finally Carole gave in and we went to ER.

While in ER, they started breathing treatments and found out that Carole was very de-hydrated. Of course they admitted her. All along this process Jaylynne was right at our side. While in ER Carole and Jaylnne was wondering if Char, their friend who is a lung doctor, was working. They found out that she was working this weekend and called her. Char only works in house and in the hospital and you can only see her when you are there. Once again, timing, see God’s presence in taking care of my wife. Between Char and Dr. Nickles and 13 days in the hospital, Carole’s cough was almost gone, but she still couldn’t speak. She could only whisper. During one of the doctor’s visit from Dr. Nickles, while Carole was in the hospital, I asked her a very pointed question, “How long does Carole have?” Her response was a few weeks to a few months. We were shocked, we thought we had more time. We didn’t realize the Carole was that sick and that when Carole goes home that she will be on Hospice. We did work it out with the insurance that if Carole was strong enough for another round of chemo that they would allow her to take it being under Hospice. They usually don’t do that. Another Praise. After 13 days, we were free from the hospital and she was finally home, and Hospice care started.

In the hospital, Carole was on a breathing treatment very 3 to 4 hours. That did not change when she came home. Needlessly not a lot of sleep for me. Over the Labor day weekend, Richard, her brother flew up. During this time, we started to do the arrangements for Carole’s memorial service. Richard just happened to be a funeral arranger. Of course, we were still thinking months and not weeks. We accomplished the slide show that was shown before the service. You can see the slide show on www.mem.com. Just type in Carole Wright and it will take you to it. Carole worked diligently through all the pictures albums and we pulled it off in one evening. On Saturday, both Richard and I noticed that Carole’s thinking had changed. Something was different about here. On Sunday Richard left for Sacramento and Carole ended up sleeping a lot that day. Through the week I saw Carole just getting more and more tired and weak. On Wednesday, Pastor Dan came out and we started planning the memorial service. Or should I say. Dan and Carole. I didn’t say much. She shared exactly what she wanted and had songs already picked out. She wanted to make it and easy as possible for me during this time. I was amazed that she was talking that much, or should I say whisper that much. Where did she get that strength to do this? After Dan left she went back to sleep and had a very long nap. On Thursday, things changed again. Carole was complaining about a pain that she was having on her right side. We knew that it was the liver. For Carole to complain, I knew that she was in a lot of pain. We knew that the cancer is now in the liver and it was confirmed while in the hospital. After calling the hospice, we increased the pain pump and Carole fell asleep for a couple of hours. After her long nap, she woke up and was talking (whispering), but kept on repeating herself. She was very confused at times. On Friday, Carole did it again. Dr Nickles came out for a house call and Carole was actually talking (whispering) to the Dr. After the Dr. left, hospice showed up to examine Carole and to restock her meds. As the hospice nurse was leaving, I asked her how long does Carole have left. She said a few days. I could not believe it. She also said that Carole looks very comfortable and in a sense that was a miracle because of the cancer that she has. Again, a praise. A couple of cute little things happened during this time. Friday night, Jaylynne and Brenda were over, they were eating a cheese cake and Carole asked if she can have one too…..Later when I came back from Walmart, Jaylynne told me that she had a piece. I told her that Carole doesn’t like cheese cake. I guess she just wanted to be apart of the eating with her friends. Saturday, my head was next the Carole’s head. I told her and I loved her, and out of the blue, she said I love you too and gave me a kiss. That night, all the family was over and all the adults were in our bedroom just setting around for hours and telling stories. At this time, Carole was in and out of consciousness. During one of the stories from Brannon, my dad interrupted him, and from the mouth of Carole we hear, “and go on”. She was listening!!!

I really don’t want to go into details in what happened on Sunday. I will tell you that the morning was very beautiful. The sky had no clouds. It was the perfect Lord’s day. Carole breathing at this point was very labored. After the kids left for church, I whispered in her ear that she is almost home. Roxanne came over and my parents showed up as Carole was breathing her last breaths. We said our farewells for now and Carole passed away at 11:30 am. (Sept. 12).

In the 19 years of knowing her, the longest that we have been apart was 4 days and that only happened once. One other time it was three days. She has been my lovely wife, my lover, and my best friend. Do I miss her? Yes, I do! But I know that I will see her one day again. I told Carole a few months ago that in Heaven her wait for me and the kids will only seem like a moment, but for us to see her will feel like an eternity. Through all of this, God has been good. We have seen God at work, we have felt His presence, and His comfort. We have felt the many prayers that were made in our behalf. Thank you so much for your many prayer, your special gifts, your phone calls, and for your friendship. They are so greatly appreciated. I think one of the songs that was sung at the service was meant to me from Carole and I thought I would include it now:

"Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to you

And you raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

This is my prayer

Lord, I see now for one the battle is done, she is with you, she has fought the good fight and I realize that for me the battle just begun. I pray that as I lay her body to rest that I continue to be faithful to the task that you have given me. Blessed be your Name. Amen

RC Wright

Is July over already? What a month!!

Wow! Is July over already? What a busy but great month we have had! We had a month of family visiting which meant fun, games and lots of food! My brother and his family came the first week of July and it was the first time we saw our niece since birth. Elizabeth is a little dolly and we had a great time having them here! My Aunt flew in that Friday and stayed for 10 days so she overlapped with my brother's family (she had never met Elizabeth) and then at the end of her stay overlapped with my sister's family. Phew! Busy, busy, busy but loads of fun. We taught everyone our new favorite game "Farkle" so that was quite a hit! 70+ pix are on facebook but I included a few here for you to enjoy.

Richard (my brother), Aunt Marlene

Angela (Richard's wife)

Elizabeth (18 months), Ben (age 14), Uncle Richard, Lil Rc (almost 16)

Katelyn (age 12)

Cousins Katelyn

Krystal (age 8), Kayla (age 4)

Sisters Cathy and Carole

Cancer/Chemo updates: In the middle of my family visiting I had to have a CT of the abdomen and chest and a few days later we got the results. HUGE PRAISE that all cancer sites were stable or better so that was huge! This is the first time since starting chemo that I will be on a chemo cocktail longer than 3 months--usually that scans show spread so we have to switch treatment. Not so this time! We really like this regimen, with only going to see the doctor every three weeks. But, it couldn't be all good news....like the doctor said, I'm usually a mixed bag of news. My left lower lung was collapsed on the scan--there was fluid around the lung.....hmmm might explain my shortness of breath! And there is some concern with my liver--not sure if it is cancer spread or just a reaction from chemo but it is early, whatever it is, so we are going to sit on it and not worry about it right now. You know, there just comes a point where there is so much stuff going on that you have to choose what to be concerned about, and what to let go...for now, anyway. The next week I went and had a thoracentesis (they numbed my back and put in a needle and drained the fluid) and they took off a liter! Unfortunately I had no change in symptoms which was quite disheartening. Usually people have immediate relief, but not me. Surprising? No....because its me--yikes! So this last Monday I had an x-ray before chemo and it showed that the fluid is back and the lower lung is collapsed again. The doctor came and spoke with me during chemo and confirmed the fluid they removed is malignant--again, no big surprise BUT it might mean a change in chemo regimen...not sure yet--and that is an UGH! The doctor isn't in a hurry for me to have the lung drained again so I am just monitoring my shortness of breath and if it gets worse we'll have to do something. Unfortunately the day after IV chemo I got up and couldn't walk! The bottom of my feet were red and soooo sore! This is a side effect of the pill chemo but I finished that the Saturday before! So after two days of soaking in cold water, basking in bag balm, and barely walking, and LOTS OF PRAYERS, they are better! JR was convinced they were blistering but nothing ever came to fruition....no cracking or peeling, etc.... But yikes, how scary to not be able to walk! Yet another complication of the lovely chemo. And then there's the hair issue, or lack thereof. Starting July 4th I was going without a wig or hat and had about 2 inches of curly hair (as pictured to the left top of this blog). All my family got to witness the curly hair but unfortunately chemo took it away again so we're back to cute caps (my sister and I found a new style for me--see pix). Please continue to pray for our spirits-- it is quite demoralizing to have complication after complication and it beckons the question "how much suffering can one person take?" Not sure if I want to know the answer to that question.

But to end on a BRIGHT note, I have to share that lil RC turned 16 on the 22nd and he got his driver's license! Yahoo! We are so excited and this is a huge blessing to our family. What a wonderful young man he is becoming. Can you tell I'm a proud Mama? One of the things he wanted for his birthday was a purity ring. He has made a covenant before God and us that he will remain abstinent til marriage, and the ring is a symbol of that covenant. On his wedding day he will present that to his wife (and it can be made into his wedding set) as the culmination of his promise before God. Are we proud of him? You bet! Love you son!

Summer Family Fun

Summer is here (FINALLY) and the fun has begun! Last week we spent four nights at Priest Lake with some friends from church and had an incredibly AWESOME time! When we left on Monday it was pouring rain but when we arrived at the Indian Creek campground it was just cloudy. We have had to set up camp in the rain before and it isn't fun so we were thankful for a break in the weather. Our two boys and their two friends slept in a tent and on Wednesday night there was a thunder storm that literally cracked right overhead! And the boys still slept in the tent! Other than that, the weather was great! The kids were in the lake on two different days and I was so happy to sit in the sun and put my feet in the water! We played lots of games and my new favorite game is Farkle...so if you come visit, you can expect to be playing with us! We also had campfires every night....with smores of course (but not every night!). What a relaxing, fun, awesome time!

We got home in time for some laundry, actually a LOT of laundry, and then the kids left today for Youth camp through our church. Now that Kate is entering 7th grade, it is her first year going with her brothers and she is excited! They will be gone til Friday! Wow! No kids in the house...what will we do? Well, today I had IV chemo so my plan is to rest...but we'll see. July is a busy month for us. On the 4th we host a big party since we can shoot fireworks at our house. We have a great view too and can enjoy the fireworks from Medical Lake as well as neighboring cities. It's always fun to BBQ with family and friends! Then my brother and his family arrive on the 6th. We haven't seen our niece since she was born so we are so excited to spend time with her (and her mom and dad too of course!). That Friday my Aunt arrives from Arizona and will spend 10 days with us. She hasn't been here for 6 years and we are looking to her visit. My brother will overlap a day or two so my Aunt will be able to see them too. Then my sister and her family arrive a few days before my Aunt leaves and they will be here for a week. Phew! In between that, the boys are going away for a weekend to serve at a Jr church camp doing music AND they are also helping with music during a week long day camp. Can you say busy busy busy? We are so excited to have such precious time with family! We are thankful our home has enough room to host everyone. We will set up our above ground pool so the kids will have outdoor activities. And if I need to take a nap, I'll disappear for a little while into my room :-)

Today I had a doctor's appointment and IV chemo. My skin is looking much better so that is a praise! My cough, however, is not going away and that is a concern...it has waxed and waned and we don't know why. The doctor offered me home oxygen for night time use but I'm not ready for that yet. So I continue to take pain medicine during the day to control the cough when it gets bad. And my voice remains hoarse from the time I get up til the time I go to bed--ugh! I love it when the kids say I am "yelling"...how can you yell when you sound like Minnie Mouse? Anyway, the doctor scheduled me for a CT scan of the abdomen/chest on July 12th and we are PRAYING things are stable or better. If that's the case, we can stay on this regimen of chemo--which we LOVE as we only go to the doctor once every three weeks instead of weekly. We did find out that if we have to change chemo to the medicine that is coming out of study, we may have to travel to Couer 'd Alene, Idaho for it which is about 45 minutes to an hour away. We DON'T want to have to do this. In the meantime, she is increasing the dose of my pill chemo since I am tolerating it so well. So thanks for your continued prayers my friends! We did find out though that we have to cancel our Yellowstone trip. The 6000 foot elevation will not be good with my cough and breathing. So yet again the burden of this cancer has hit our family. JR is now trying to find a camping spot closer to home that might be open. JR asked the doctor today about a disabled parking permit--ugh....wasn't too happy about that one BUT it might give us more options camping wise because there are disabled spots at every campground. So, we'll see what happens.

As we continue to live one day at a time we continue to see God's hand in our lives every day. As mentioned earlier, our camping trip was awesome, weather was great, all the kids got a long well, we had safety in our journey...many blessings. We've also seen God at work in Jr's life. My dear, sweet, husband, has been in stress overload--just feeling like his plate is full and at any moment it will tip over. Prior to our camping trip we found out our slide on our trailer wasn't working. And to make a long story short, Jr worked and worked and replaced the motor, then found there were electrical issues and the more he got into it, the more he realized was wrong. It was overwhelming, and despite a friend working on it for 3 hours, we still have to take it into the shop. The next day, JR went to work and wasn't happy to find out he had to float to another floor. But, as he soon found out, God was at work. There is someone at work whose wife recently battled cancer and JR was able to talk to this co-worker. It was a relief for him to talk to someone who UNDERSTANDS and who felt just like he does and he shared what he did to help get through the difficult times. JR said he felt like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders just to talk to someone who understood. That was the biggest blessing of all! So we continue to take one day at a time and thank God for His many blessings!